Just so Lost.

I sure do hope i made the right decision for myself. It just felt so perfect and than it ended so fast. I guess i just havnt listened to my moms advice and it always got me in deeper shit than there was so i decided to listen. And i feel good about it. Of course i still love him. I will never lose my love for him. Our love was way way way too strong just to lose in a matter of a day. It just feels so weird to go from talking every day to not talking at all. I know if i would talk to him i would regret what i did. I was really looking forward to meeting his family, but i knew it wasnt fair to them if i met them all than broke up with him after that. Why does life have to be so god damn hard sometimes? Well running has definitely helped it a lot. Releasing plenty of endorphins. School is definitely a major plus. Friends, school work, social life back. God i missed it so bad. I am trying my best not to dwell on it because it just seems to make it worse. If i could ask him one thing though, actually many things. I would ask how he was doing, or even if he thought later on down the road if we could pick back up from where we left off. Well probably not. He might find someone that makes him happier than i did. He will always be that guy that took my breath away at art camp. Still to this day the best day of my life. I didnt say anything on the phone the other day that i wanted to. Im just not ready to settle down. Because i still have senior year, sports, college, family stuff, holidays with family's. My life is way busier than i could imagine. Does he still want me to be the one? Probably not. You know i am just going to quit asking questions because every answer is going to be no. NO NO NO NO NO. He probably hates me. The only answer i do not know right now is the answer to the question, do you still love me? I dont know. I probably just fucked up the greatest thing to ever happen to me.