Toegther Forever

Happy one year baby. I love you.

Truth is..

Truth is, I miss you. I miss us. I miss talking on the phone every night. Hearing the words I love you roll of your tongue. Feeling your lips against mine, the moisture of the sweet taste. How they fit perfectly against mine. I miss waking up to you and you kissing me good night. Or even walks by the park. I miss the way that on my birthday you were the first thing I woke up to and we fed the baby ducks at the park. Do you miss me? If you wanted me you'd pick up the phone and call. How's college gonna be? Is it gonna be how we pictured it? Us living together, always being with each other. I hope it still happens. Bc I love you.

Being alone...

Well life is pretty tragic. Mom is away at business, my brother doesnt live with me, i found out i dont qualify for hope today, and im retaking the sat in a month. My life fucking sucks. Oh and to top it all off, weve been texting. WHY? i miss it so much to where it makes us texting feel like were sort of back together. why cant we be? bc im a heart breaker, two-faced bitch. Also, no one ever has time for me. Nobody wants to hang out with me and keep me company. All there is to do is cry, i hate crying. It ruins makeup. If you want to rescue repunzel from her awful tower, feel free. I'd love to be rescued.

Do you remember what happened here? Because I sure do.

Do I miss you or do I miss what we had?

I think about how a guy should really treat a girl and the only person that comes to mind is you. I feel like I'm in love but am I in love with the wrong guy? He may seem perfect but maybe he isn't as good as he used to be. What me and you had was special. It was never wrong. There was not one bad moment of our relationship. Can you take me back? Can you ask me to be yours again? Because I truly miss you. I know what mistake I made and I promise to never ever make that mistake again. It sucks that I had to learn the hard way and may never get you back again, but I did learn. I learned that I love you, more than anyone I have ever loved before. I run. Running from things that scare me is what I do best. Fear of the commitment. Maybe I just need to stop and be committed. Not such a bad thing, right? No. Baby come back. Kiss me. Hold me. Tell me you love me. Laugh with me. Smile with me. Sing loud to the radio with me. I miss you, and I hope you miss me too.

It's perfect :)

Gotta get my tan on!

Dream Apartment..

When you were little did you ever imagine you living on your own outside of your parents house? I sure did. To get my free space. Did I want roommates or did I want to live alone? Well roommates mean company, but alone means quite. Girls cause drama. And guys are chill but very very very dirty. I don't want stains on my toilet from when they don't let the seat up, or food everywhere. I want it to be my "clean" home to come to. I've always had that fantasy to live with the opposite sex though. They might get on my nerves and push my buttons sometimes but there worth it. Just think, no girls equals no problems. Although they have to be respectful to my privacy and my studies. Well off of the boy topic. My apartment has to have a balcony. I love the breeze of the cool air blowing on my shoulders. A rocking chair reading the book of the week. A tall glass of lemonade and shades to block the sun. I would decorate it just how my mom taught me to do. Make it feel like home. Now my bedroom is going to be the best of them all. A king size bed, chic bedding. To make me feel lady like. My obsession is pictures. Cork board all over one wall with pictures of everything. Things i've photographed, friends, family, magazine clippings, concert tickets, movie slips. Anything you can imagine. My bathroom would be my place of cleanliness. I have always loved my initials being on everything. Including my shower curtain. A black vintage with hot pink cHa initials on it. White towels with black cHa on them. A magazine bin for all of the latests. My kitchen would consist of only healthy organic foods. I am NOT gaining the freshman fifteen. My mother would absolutely kill me! Favorite items that would always be in my refrigerator would include oven roasted turkey, Colby jack cheese, activia vanilla yogurt, peaches and cottage cheese (best combo EVER!), cantaloupe, apples, grapes, cucumbers, green peppers, salad mixings, light ranch, soy sauce, diet mountain dew, water bottles, pickles, eggs,  organic milk, and of course my daily glass of orange juice. Man talking about all of this food is making me hungry! But I cant leave out my freezer, tyson chicken, veggie pizza, microwavable pancakes (not the best at flipping regular pancakes), sherbert ice scream, and my fat free sugar free popsicles. I can imagine it now. My living room is going to be a place of my comfort. A chic, long couch. For max three people. I love tan. Tan goes with everything. A big TV, don't want to strain my eyes. I have have have to have Comcast. On demand is a must in my life. Picture frames will be all throughout the house. Paintings to fill up empty spaces. I have always wanted to have a dog. But, it would be like taking care of a baby so I don't think that is going to happen. My dream apartment will come true. After this year! Than I'm off!


http://www.vacancy.com/georgia/augusta-apartments/traditions-at-augusta

Feeling pretty :)

Fun being 17.

So I am completely back to being me! Got my girl back home from out of town. Got my grades where I want them. Got my college plans for when I graduate. Nothing can stop me now! Honestly, I just needed to let a load off my shoulders and be me for a while. I am perfectly brand new. I have rededicated myself for the good. New changes in my life to make me a better person. And you know what's the best of it all? I work out everyday now!! I feel so good about myself. Releasing plenty of endorphins that make me feel happy inside. I have a great family, great friends, great love, great life. I deleted his number. Blocking him from Facebook. Trying to make myself forget and it is working most definitely. Doing things that I enjoy to do. For example, tonight. BORDER BASH! Georgia versus Carolina. Gonna be one hell of a night. Party party party. Couldn't get any better than that. Well it can. I am going with the two most awesomest people EVA! Got a cute outfit, lost a couple of pounds so I feel like I look decent. Who knows, something good might happen tonight :) life is good for ms Cassie. Couldn't ask for anything more.

Click this!

When you click this, it puts me into a drawing that you can be entered to win five hundred dollars towards tuition money.
http://www.fastweb.com/referral/cassieavery

June 30th, 2011

That day, I sat at a picnic table with who I thought and know who I am in love with. We watched the stars and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Well tonight I sit in that exact spot and think of that night. A great night it was but only better days can come from it. I love you and always will. Forever and always.

Very very very surprised....

I think i am slowly starting to forget about you....

Why don't memories fade?

So worst thing happened today. Friend of mine is in Atlanta for the day. That's where all of my memories take place. Of course he would be texting me the whole time he is there. The one question he asks me. "Hey what school was it you went to over the summer"? The last question I wanted to hear. So of course after answering that question so many memories from that week started flowing through my mind. Our conversation at the hidden coffee shop, or maybe the walk to his car where I got my very own tie-dye shirt where we shared our first kiss, or my favorite which was when he came back to the hotel. We layed there just enjoying each others company. Sharing kisses and eye glances back and forth. I hate memories. I wish I could press an erase button and they be gone.

Magic Man.

1. Has brown hair
2. Enjoys doing exotic things
3. Wants to take crazy vacations
4. Makes the mula
5. Likes to hold hands
6. Has something he enjoys to do on his own, like a sport or something like that
7. Actually likes spending time with me
8. Being romantic is one of his specialties
9. Watching the stars at nights is something he loves to do, most definitely with his special someone. Which would be me.
10. Surprises me. Because I LOVE surprises!
11. Supports me on anything I do. Occasional inputs on what they think is fine but nothing that would make me too too upset.
12. Gets along well with my family. That is a must.
13. Loves me, for me.

Fun fun fun.

Yay! The weekend of September 23rd through the 25th, I will be spending it with a dear old friend. HOPE SATTERFIELD! Although going to Atlanta to be with someone oter than Brice is a little weird. Will he find out I'm going and ask me to come see him on my way up there? I'm going to want to but will I? Probably not. I looked at pictures today. I know, bad bad bad mistake. I have ones he sent me, the ones of us together, the ones I sent him. Should I delete them? I should I keep them for memories? With all of the previous boyfriends I've always deleted the old stuff and just started off fresh. I bet it would be a hell of a lot easier for me that way. Maybe even block him on my Facebook because everytime I get on Facebook going to his profile is the FIRST thing I do. I can't help it, I gotta see him. I've been thinking about college lately. Would he come to me or would I have to go to him. My plans as of right now are to stay in Augusta and go to Augusta state university. Or maybe I could always go to him and go to a university down there. As much as I try to get over you I just can't. Everytime I try a memory pops up in my mind. Like that one time at art camp, air hockey. That was our thing. And ever since we shared that moment together, we play air hockey whenever tere was an air hockey table where we were at. Or maybe even when he came to Augusta the very first time and the last day we went to chili's. Oh my gosh we were lookin rough that day. And all we could do was laugh at each other. Recently we started this thing that every new place we go, we were going to go hiking together. Well I guess I can't share that with him anymore. Just by myself. I think about you everyday. Don't forget me. I wonder if he would every surprise me and drive up here? If our love was real something like that would happen. But I would never imagine him doing that. I broke his heart and broke mine as well. Mine will never be repairable.

Goodbye for forever.

Today marks the day that I forget about you. It'll help me in the long run. Nothing exsisted. Everything was just a dream.

Fucking sick to my stomach.

Why is it that everytime I go to your profile there is a new picture of you and that damn girl. I've thrown up because it makes me sick to my stomach. Why did I do what I did? I want you back so bad but I can't. Why can't you live in Augusta? Eight months needs to go by fast. Because I know if we were together on our own with no parents or any fuckers to fuck us up we could make it. We could've made it if it wasn't for my dumb fuck self. This might be my last blog because going on here all I see is you you you you. I don't wanna say why did I meet you because that would not be fair. I'm most definitely glad I met you. This happens to me everytime when I find someone that is a keeper. It just gets fucked up by someone..but what can yah do. I'm so sorry that this had to happen. But if you were smart, you would keep trying. Please. For me. I don't want to lose you just yet. Let me know you still care because right now your doing a terrible job of it. Why oh why do I have to miss you. I love you too much and thinking about you is a must in my agenda. As tears run down my face, the words I love you are typed so that you know I still care. Come to me.......

Please talk to me.

It was real. It still is real no matter what you say. I read your posts on Facebook and they do nothing but tear me apart. I want so bad for you to text me or something. I guess it is all done. Please god make my sadness go away.

Just so Lost.

I sure do hope i made the right decision for myself. It just felt so perfect and than it ended so fast. I guess i just havnt listened to my moms advice and it always got me in deeper shit than there was so i decided to listen. And i feel good about it. Of course i still love him. I will never lose my love for him. Our love was way way way too strong just to lose in a matter of a day. It just feels so weird to go from talking every day to not talking at all. I know if i would talk to him i would regret what i did. I was really looking forward to meeting his family, but i knew it wasnt fair to them if i met them all than broke up with him after that. Why does life have to be so god damn hard sometimes? Well running has definitely helped it a lot. Releasing plenty of endorphins. School is definitely a major plus. Friends, school work, social life back. God i missed it so bad. I am trying my best not to dwell on it because it just seems to make it worse. If i could ask him one thing though, actually many things. I would ask how he was doing, or even if he thought later on down the road if we could pick back up from where we left off. Well probably not. He might find someone that makes him happier than i did. He will always be that guy that took my breath away at art camp. Still to this day the best day of my life. I didnt say anything on the phone the other day that i wanted to. Im just not ready to settle down. Because i still have senior year, sports, college, family stuff, holidays with family's. My life is way busier than i could imagine. Does he still want me to be the one? Probably not. You know i am just going to quit asking questions because every answer is going to be no. NO NO NO NO NO. He probably hates me. The only answer i do not know right now is the answer to the question, do you still love me? I dont know. I probably just fucked up the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

Single.

Well I guess it is time to start a new chapter in my life that doesnt consist of two, just one.

Sisters forever!

oh how i love my sisters, Cati Lou Jackson & Brittany Elizabeth Shaw. They are my life, rock, and supporters. They love me for who i am and they would never judge me. I know i can go to them for absolutely anything and i love it. Please dont ever stop being my friends. Remember what i said today about being with me when i have my baby? Wherever we are than yall are in that room with me no matter what. I love yall so much!

No longer happy.

I told someone today that I was going to write a happy blog. But that happy blog turned into a terrible blog really fast. It went from being able to see him in four days back to eight days so fast. Why is it that only my mother supports my happiness. Nobody else does but her. No one has faith that it'll work but him and my dearest mommy. I am so happy with him and so devastated at the same time. Why is it I have to wait so long to be with him for forever. Yes he is now moving in when he turns eighteen but that is still so far away. Why can't he just come now. I am not going to be happy until I am with him forever. I feel like I am not even with him anymore because distance is keeping us so far apart. I feel like I would feel a little better about the situation if I were only a two and a half drive away from him. But I am not. I am a five hour drive from him. I was going to be able to be with him for a week but I can't. I can't because his mom said no. Why? He would still be going to school. He would still go to work the days he would be scheduled to go to. But no. I didn't know I could be so happy with someone and so sad too. It's not fair. I am done hurting inside over this. I am done feeling shitty EVERY day over this. It's either forever or never. Which is it going to be? Please don't keep me waiting anymore for the answer because there is no more time for an answer. I need it now. If I don't get an answer soon there is no more trying. I know what I want to happen. But will that happen? Will I get my happy ending? I guess we will know soon. I wish the odds of happiness were on my side. But I guess there not. Once I get my happiness it just gets torn away from me. Like someone pulled my feet right from underneath me so I would fall. I don't want to fall anymore. If I fall, who will be there to catch me. If he's not with me, he won't be there to catch me. He is my bestfriend and my boyfriend. And now, I don't have a bestfriend or a boyfriend with me. We are many miles apart. Please come be with me. So we can start our happy ending. Just the two of us.

I am so lonely.

I feel like all I do now is cry. Ever since the day Brice dropped me off I have been only depressed. Whenever I am alone it hits me the most. I may seem happy whenever I am hanging out with people but once that ends the tears just start coming. The worse part about it is I have no one to take my mind off of my sadness. My mom is gone, all my friends are back at home which is three hours away, all I am with right now are guys which make it worse. My life right now just sucks. Honestly the thought of moving to my dads in Colorado has come to mind a couple of times because I know I will ne'er be alone, a job is already waiting for me, and I would be with Noah again. But the one thing that sucks is that I would NEVER see Brice. I would be able to see my mom because on custody issue you have to visit on holidays but she would want me all to herself and I probably wouldn't be able to drive to Atalanta. Why can't this year just go ahead and end so I can live with Brice just the two of us with nothing in between us like a five hour drive, or school, or his job. I just hate being away from him. Crying just seems like the only thing I can do anymore. And if I am not crying I have a blank face on and everyone always knows something is wrong with me. Today I went to beach just myself and my nook and I was so lonely. I know if Brice were with me he'd be happy to go with me and I would be happy together with him again. I know seeing him in between the year we have to live together will be good because I won't have to go without seeing him for that long but I also don't want it to come to an end and me be depressed again. Depression is a bitch. I am literally really close to just packing everything up and going to live with him now. I wish.

bull shhh.

i cant seem to be able to do anything right, i just hope this year goes by fast. because i am tired of being yelled at all the god damn time.

♥

oh the joys of having a boyfriend/best friend/technically your soul mate. waking up in the mornings to i love you text messages, having long lasting phone calls describing each others undeniable love for each other. i love it, and him of course. if i didnt have him i dont know what i would do. i sometimes cant get over how we met. and how fast we clicked, and to look on the down of it all. the whole time he had a girlfriend. am i really that special to realize he was with the wrong girl and i was the right girl for him? he had just met me and was already ready to be done with his girl and have me take the place. which actually i think i fit the place quite well if you ask me. i dont even know if he really knows what he just got himself into. its already been one month and a week maybe that we have been together, and there will be many many more to come. hopefully he doesnt get tired of me because i am not going anywhere. well to conclude this entry, i am trying to say this. brice, i am going to be with you forever and ever and ever. no matter what. wether its us being five and a half hours away from each other, which it is that and not seven i googled it. or even us spending too much time together when we are together. i dont care what anyone else thinks about us, im in it for the long run baby. i love you bunches and bunches. forever and ever. to the end.

August 5, 2011.

today has been the first full day of the new life in north carolina. trying to stay as busy as possible so time can go by fast. only thirteen more days until i can be reunited with my other half. although feelings i have been having dont make me feel good inside. feelings i used to get when i was a little kid. i know i wanted to move to north carolina, but now that i am here i am missing my home more than ever. i miss being able to drive to my friends houses everyday, i miss only being two hours away from brice, i miss having a family, and most of all i miss my brother. the next time i see my brother he is going to be a man. and i dont get to see him grow up at all. i remember the days when i would sleep with him every night because i hated sleeping alone. or the times i would be the only one to see him cry because he hated people see him cry. he must get that from me. i drove by the school i would be going to today. it looks decent. i dont know wether to be excited or to wish the day would never come. i pray and hope that this year will go by fast, because after this year i will be living my life with the person by my side that i want to spend the rest of my life with. i dream about it almost everyday but it just wont come soon enough. i thank myself everyday for making the decision on going to art camp back in june, because if i hadnt, i wouldnt have met brice. if i didnt have him in my life my life would be ten times different. probably different in bad ways. so now if anyone asks me if i believe in love at first sight. you know what i would say? HELL YEAH. i believe in it because it happened to me. if he is not here with me physically i know he is here with me mentally. he will always have a piece of himself in my heart. i could tell him anything in the world and i know he would not judge me. he's one of the only people i let see me cry. he wipes my tears away, and tells me everything will be alright. but the only thing that will not be okay is that he is not here with me. i think about what life would be like if he were with me everyday. i would love life more. but i think the long distance thing is cool because we cherish the moments we have together and that makes it just more perfect. why it must be 5 hours away i do not know but we will make it work i know of it. brice, i love you so much. i know you will read this sooner or later. you are always in my heart. june 30th to forever and eternity.

Why do you love me?

Dear Brice,

You ask me over and over why i love you. Well here i will list the many reasons why and how i love you. Ever since the first day i met you, i knew you knew how to treat me. You treat me like i'm a lady. You open doors for me, you pay for my meals, you give me compliments appropriately, and you make me feel worth it. I love how when i look you in the eyes all the feelings are out in the open. I can feel your feelings for me as if they were my own. I love how when i'm crying you hold me even though i tell you to let go. You don't let go because you want to let me know that you will always be there. I love when i can feel your heart beat against my chest when i lay on you, or when i can feel you breathing when i'm laying on your chest sleeping. I love you because you are one of the few people that understand me. You know me better than people that have know me for years on end. I love how we laugh at the stupidest things together. Your horse noises, your farts, your burps. I love how i am so comfortable with you. Now that I can fart around you, burp, poop, etc etc. It is very rare to find a relationship like ours. We have been dating for a month now and it feels like i have been dating you for 573495738739 years. You know me like the back of your hand, and i know you like the back of mine. I feel like i am apart of your family and i hope you feel like you are apart of mine. I love how you can show my mom that i am happy just by making me smile or laugh. I love you because you love me. But to sum things up, i love you because you made me the person i am today. Careless and free. I have no care for the world now, now that i am with you. You make me feel invincible. Like i can conquer the world. As long as your by my side that is. I hope you love me as much as i love you. But my last words of this letter will be this, i love you brice pierce mercier.

Your love,
     Cassie.

Ten Years From Now...

Where will I be ten years from now? I want to be traveling around the world. I want to be doing what I love which is taking pictures. Taking pictures of the wild, of people of different cultures, of the sun set in a different place everyday. I want to be able to live life differently than just by my everyday, regular life style. There are so many things I want to be able to achieve but I cant seem to pick the right one for me. Wether it's working with the mentally disabled, or starting my own business in photography, or even studying marine biology and going off and working with endangered animals. I want to be able to do all of these things but just dont know if it is possible. My dad told me a story today of one of his friends daughters that studied photo journalism. She took two years of photo journalism in college and is now traveling around the world. She travels with the navy and takes photographs around the world. How sick would that be!? I wish I could just make my mind up of what I want to do. I want something that will pay my bills with no problem. Maybe I should progress in the medical field like I had planned. Doctor Hanna, doesnt sound so bad. OBGYN, therapist, surgeon, etc etc. Fuck if I know. I know I will find something. Maybe it will be all three of those things, maybe it will be two, or maybe it will just be one. I know GOD will pick the right one for me. If I had to make my mind up right now of what I wanted to go to school for it would be photography. I would take that than and start traveling. Traveling for national geographic and take pictures around the country, outside of the country even. Do what I love to do and be able to do what I have always wanted to do with it. TRAVEL.

Traveling.

On the road with my favorite person in the world, I am not wanting this trip to end. But at the end of this trip I will be with the person that always knows how to put a smile on my face. As much as I do not want this trip to end, I know at the end of it another vacation will just start. I can gladly say that I, Cassie Avery, am the LUCKIEST girl on this entire planent. How did I score a perfect guy like mine? I don't know how I did it, but I did it and he is not going anywhere. One day I wanna start a family with him, have a big house, kids, me and him happily together. It's just us against the world, and let me tell you something. We are definitely winning. Were unbeatable. On my way to San Diego, I wish he were here with me but I will be with him in eight days!! San Diego, the place where I was born and havnt been there since. Im psyched! Sea world, beaches, on base, hotels with pools, everything you can possible think of. I'm the luckiest girl EVER! In a week and a half I have been to three different states that are pretty chill. Colorado, Arizona, and California bitches. Southern Cali here I come!!!!

I heart you.

If you think that no one loves you, just remember that I always will.

Money, just a reason to stop your dreams....

Money sucks, unless you have lots of it. Coming from a family who has to work their ass's off just to be able to put food on the table, it is kind of hard to be able to follow your dreams. All I want to do is to be able to go to school to get the degree that I want to pursue my life in. Is that so hard to ask for? Now I am most likely going to have to get loans and pay them off during my whole fucking life. Two years of photography, and two years of business? I don't know what the hell I am going to do, all I know is that I want to go to the art institute of Atlanta, and I am going to go there no matter what it takes. As we speak right, right now I only have forty dollars and eighteen cents in my bank account. That is NOTHING. Nobody is hiring in Augusta what so ever, so how the hell am I supposed to start saving up for anything that I need? You know about a half a year ago I had everything. I had money, a gas card that I could use whenever I needed gas, I actually had a car, a great life, and a future. I have no future without money....and my parents will only pay for so much. If only I was smart, than I could qualify for grants and scholarships, but hell no. I am definitely not smart. I am the dullest crayon in any crayon box. All I got to make any dream to come true is finding pennies on heads, smoking until I get to luckies, making wishes at 11:11, and praying. God loves me, hopefully he can help me out with my dreams.....

Letters of love.

To Brice, from Cassie.

So the first day that I met you I knew from the beginning we had a connection. I remember it like it was yesterday. Remember what we talked about? We talked about you liking the fat chick? Haha so I got that excuse to text you. I wanted you to be my roommate for the week but it didn't work out, :). Now look at us, two weeks later and we are two teenagers in love. I can definitely say that I found the guy for me. You are definitely him. I want to be with you for the rest of my life Brice. Through thick and thin we will ALWAYS be by each others side. Even though I don't think we will ever fight. Which is a great thing. I love you so much, it hurts inside. One year from now though will be when we can officially start our forever. Living together, than from there we can make our dreams come true, and I want to make those dreams come true with you. I know I want to do more than photography with my life and I hope you stay by my side through it all. Wether it requires us to move, or even stay where we are. I want to Start a family with you, just the two of us and hopefully one day we can add to our
little family. One day I hope to be called Cassie Avery mercier. I know that day will come one day because I am NEVER leaving you. And I hope to god you won't ever leave me. Your the first guy that I feel like I love you actually means something. Sure I have said I love you to other people but it feels real with you. We relate in so many ways it's crazy. Being with you actually completes me. You are the missing puzzle piece to my puzzle. You make me smile every time I'm with you and that is something special to me. I like someone that makes me feel like I'm worth it, and that is definitely you. I love you with all of my heart Brice Peirce Mercier.

Love,
Your gf forever and ever.
(Cassie Avery Hanna) :))))


To Cassie, from Brice.


I love you so much baby:) you mean the whole wide world to me and I don't ever want to lose you:) I've only known you for two weeks and I have the most amazing feeling about. I feel like you are the one for me:) I feel happy and loved and i feel like you will actually treat me right and I really hope up never hurt me baby:) I love you with all my heart:) I won't hurt you baby I pinky promise:) I want you by my side for the rest of my life:) you complete me all the way:) I can't wait to have you sleep by side every night with me on our king size bed:) I love you don't ever forget and whenever you need anything from me just ask because I'm in love with my bestfriend:) I want you here with me forever because you are truly my one and only I love you baby:) I want you by my side and I want to be by yours:) I need you in my life because you are truly the one thing in this whole world galaxy universe and milky way not in correct order:) I love you with whole heart and soul :) I love you baby:) you are truly amazing and make me the happiest guy in the world:) you are everything I want and need:) you have a great personality and you are the absolute most beautiful girl in the universe:) you make me laugh and happy:) and you are the first person in this world to make either one of those happen for me:) I love absolutely everything about you:) your gorgeous:) your amazing:) I love you baby:)


I LOVE YOU:)


Love always your boyfriend and lover,

Brice Pierce Mercier

......

Thank god for all his deeds
He got me through my time of needs.
I've always needed someone there
To guide me when I had that tare
He was there through my life
Even when I held the knife
No one understood why
But he watched me from the sky
He let me go to watch my ways
I ended up in a daze
The step from then to now
It made me realize how
How I should never just say goodbye
Because in the end that time will tick by.
Newer things will come by
But in the end I look to the sky
I found the true meaning to life
To be happy and play the fife
You never know who may come
They may actualy be that one.
I needed this so bad
For I have been way to sad
I fell in my pit
And lost all I had in it
My heart will soon stop
But until then I will not drop
I found my happiness
I found the greatest
I found my love
From that dove
It's a gift from god
Because I heknew I felt odd
He blessed me with life
And still tried to take it with a knife
He blessed me with love
That he sent from that dove
He blessed me with her
Because he knew I had a tear
I'm finally where I need to be
With her and with me
My soul and heart are at peace
Because I found the missing puzzle piece
Thank you lord for all that is
I don't deserve any of this
I'm finally happy and found that one
So I can always be your son
I love the way you bless me
I love how you pulled me out of my sea
I'm glad out of my misery
Thank for giving me sight so I could see
My heart is finally complete and whole
Because you took away that dark hole
You gave me someone to love.


This had a lot of feeling to it, and I absolutely love the person who wrote it.

Goodbyes Suck.

No one ever likes saying goodbye. It is my least favorite word. Saying goodbye to someone I love is very hard. But you have to look at it on the positive side. It's not a goodbye, it's a see yah later. Only fourteen days until I get to jump into your arms again. And than were together for like a week and a half. Why do we have to live so far apart though? I guess it's not that long, there could be longer. Like North Carolina and Atlanta, but I am only three hours away. I can't wait until I get to see his beautiful eyes again, the eyes that made me fall for him even more. I love you with all of my heart. BPM.

Lasting Forever.

If I could put life on pause right now I would so do it. I couldn't be any more happier than I already am. But once a good thing ends, a door just opens to another good thing. Now I can officially say that I am his. I have been waiting sixteen years for this day to come, to find my happy ever after. And I can definitely say that I have found it, him. He makes me smile, laugh, love, and be myself. Crazy how you can think something is just so perfect and than something new comes along and it makes you realize that you don't have it perfect quite yet.  You know how sometimes you wish you were in the life of a movie? Well I found the romance in my life that equals that of a movie. His name is Brice. He is my romance movie, my nicholas sparks romantic stories. Only one year. Three hundred and sixty five days, fifty something weeks, can I do it? Of course I can, I waited all this time to find this guy, I'm not gonna fuck it up because I'm impatient. But just think, once that year is over with, it will just be us. Forever. I know I am doing the right thing because all I can think of is him. Nobody else ever enters my mind when he's there, except for GOD of course. But like no guys what so ever enter my mind other than him. This is showing myself that I realy am ready for this guy. The love just feels magical, and never ending. Why did it have to take so long? I dont know, and I dont care because it is finally here. He is mine, and I am his. Forever from June 30th to the end. Brice Pierce Mercier

Summer Camp 2011.

Day one. Lunch line meeting a guy, who wears tie dye. Long luscious hair, the pretties green eyes, voice of a god. Random conversation, asked him where he was from, what he was here for, blah blah blah. Didnt talk to him until later. Sat with him after lunch, and got to know him some more. Found out he's a really cool kid. Sweet guy. I need to find out more. Oh and did I mention HOTTIE. pheewwww.

Day two.  See him when I get to the school, and he's talking to another girl. So deep down i'm like uhhh, maybe I was just flirting I need to move on. But thats when he walks over to me. We sit in room 100 until class begins. He walks me to class, we hug goodbye than meet again at lunch. He sits with me, flirting, smiles, laughs. It's just perfect. Who woulda thought that I would fall for a guy that I met at some art summer camp. Well he walks me to class after lunch, we hug, than leave. Meet again after class and sit in room 100. He comes with us to go carts, amazing. Wanting to spend time with me? This is just awesome. We eat together, race go carts, play games, laugh, etc...etc. The most memorable moment was our long conversation at a table. We found out a couple more things about each other. I had a bf, he had a gf. I was like FUCK. Bc me and cole were breaking up. I didnt know about them. They had been dating for 10 MONTHS! Holy shit. I have no hope, giving up now. Well we talk that night, and he tells me im cool, and hes starting to lose feelings for his GF i'm like HELL YEAH. But than i feel bad....i dont want to be the "other girl." But whatever, I like him ALOT.

Day three. Meeting in room 100, talking like usual. I learn something new everyday. Walks me to class, we hug and say goodbye. We meet at lunch, but this lunch is different. We ate lunch, talked, and than he goes to his car and I follow. He asks me what my favorite color was, and of course I say pink. He pulls out of his car a tie dye shirt he had made that has pink in it. I love it. Im so happy at this point I cant speak. Than he pulls out his skate board and starts to skate. We chat, about him and his gf and how they are doing. He tells me that I'm the only girl he has considered on cheating on his gf with. I dont want to be the other girl. But i like him so much. The buses arrived and everyone was making there way over there so as I started to walk away he grabs my arm and pulls me in for a kiss. Sparks I had never felt before start rushing all over my body. How do i get blessed with something like this? I get on the bus with nothing but smiles and on we go to six flags, which by the way gets rained out. So no more Brice for the day.

Day four. Let the love spark. Meet in room 100, walk to class, and now instead of hugs, we get double. Hugs and kisses. Meet at lunch, but today it was just us. We found a cute coffee shop in the school where nobody was and it was just us. Found out more, he talked about how him and his gf were. Us coming to the school next year, us, different stuff. Todays activity was a movie. And he rode the bus with me today instead of following! The movie was the green lantern, but idk if i really was paying attention. He held me the whole time, we exchanged kisses the whole night, it was just great. I didnt want this night to end. It was just so perfect. Well when the movie ended we had about two hours until curfew so I convinced him to come back to the hotel for a little while. I fell asleep in his arms, he just held me and kissed my head and forehead and occasionally I would look up for a kiss. I didnt want him to leave. But that time rolled around and I walked him to his car. Tears almost coming I held them back. I knew I was going to see him tomorrow but it was going to be the last.

Day five. He comes to the hotel that morning, every time I can have with him were going to take advantage of it. And we still have time together once we get to the school, but not a lot. He walks me to class, kisses me, and says goodbye. By the time one roles around it's pick nick time. None of our family was there so we ate together. I felt like he was mine and I was his. I can dream right? Every free second I have I think of what im going to do without him, im going to be miserable. I almost cry every time but I dont want him to see me like that. Its embarrassing. He takes me to get my bags, helps me carry them. Gah he is just amazing. Once we get back to the school brittany is there. We have to go back to my class by this time and finish up my portfolio. Which turned out amazing. We walked around and saw everyones work. Decided to leave to go get dinner and just sat in his car afterwards. I dont know what im going to do without him. I just sit and look out the window and act asleep. By this time it's time to leave. I want to stay with him forever. Why does the trip have to be over with? It. is. not. fair. He helps me grab my bag, and by this time it is raining, but not too bad. I give him my DY bracelet because I know I am going to see him again. I have his hat, a red bull cap, a bracelet, and a tee-shirt to remember him by. I am wanting to cry so bad but I am holding it back. We hug for what feels like thirty minutes. He tells me we will see each other soon. I believe him, and I get in the car before I really ball.

I fell in love at summer studio.

Goodbye.

All I have to say is goodbye. The times were good, the love was great, kisses felt perfect, hugs like you never would let go, but something was just missing. The fights were making everything worse. It wasnt worth it. I cant be happy with the person that i thought I loved if all we do is fight. It is wrong and that is not what love is about. Why risk staying with someone that fights with me everyday, when there could be someone out there that would give me everything. The love I need, the right attention, kisses, hugs, everything. Hopefully my prince charming comes someday, but GOD please let him come next because I hate getting my heart broken.

Someone New.

Ever wanted to try someone new? Meet a cool new guy, and see how he is like. Kiss him to see how his lips taste. Hug him to see how tightly he wraps his arms around you. Make him tell you he loves to you to see if it sounds different. Why do you seem happy with the person your with but than realize you might be happier with the guy you just met. One week with new people, one week away from old people. What will result from this, that is for me to find out. Who knows, maybe GOD will show me someone different, or to be alone, or even to stay with the person that makes me happy now. I just don't want to fight. I don't want to have to explain myself everyday, why cant he trust me? Show me someone new, show me someone that makes me feel happy, show me love for what it really is.

Trust.

No one is going to have a perfect relationship. It is just not possible, and even if you say you have a perfect your relationship your just lying to yourself. In order to keep your relationship stable for the both of you, you have to trust the other person. If you don't than break up now. If you don't break up now, it will become really bad. Your shit might just be put into trash bags, and even kicked out of your own house. WHY? Jealousy is a bitch, why have it? If I am with you, why would I want to be with someone else? If I wanted to be with someone else but you, I wouldn't be with you period, but if you keep losing trust there will be no more us. I am leaving you for a week and hopefully it will give us a breather and I come back and we are good and relaxed. Although the last time I left to get a break, it made it even worse because I wasn't coming home. The whole reason for a vacation is to get out of town and away from the people in it. Just because I am leaving you for a while doesn't mean I am leaving you for good. Take it as an opportunity to fix any open wounds. Cause we are not perfect. Me and you are far from it. We fight ever fucking day and it vacuums the life out of me. I wish we just didn't have to do it, I don't want to fight with you. I want it to be just me and you on top of the world against it all. We would so win, we are a perfect team. Hell, were a perfect team now. I love you so much it hurts me. Cole Mitchell Quarles.

Gifts of Life.

today i realized that you need to appreciate even the smallest things in life. wether it goes from a high five or a hug to even a new car or a job promotion. you see the sadness of different people almost everyday.. it makes you want to put on a smile for them and be happy so they will feel your happiness. divorces, break ups, lay offs, deaths, broken bones, and even a scratch or two. its not the end of the world. appreciate the little things in life. look at the sky whenever the sun goes down and say "hey, that is beautiful. god can make some cool lookin things". these bumps in the road that happen in our lives are there to show us that this is going to make us stronger. yes divorces suck. im not even over mine yet. i still feel like shit. lost my car, lost my family, lost my moms friendship, losing my brother, losing everything slowly and slowly. but there is one thing that i am not losing. and that is god. everyday he is there for me, by my side making me stronger. you gotta look at these things as accomplishments in your life that will make you who you are today. teens everyday have to experience things like this. i know i am not the only one. i just sometimes wish that it didnt even have to happen. when i see some of the families that are still married and happy with kids. i hate them sometimes. but to want something that is not yours is a sin, so if i said i wanted their family i would be sinning. which i probably do it every day and i regret it. my car will come one day, my job will come one day, my guy is already here and i love him with all of my heart and he is there for me everyday with open arms. the man upstairs has always got my back. hes my homedog, my dad, my savior, my messiah. "hey thats my jeeps name". anyways, back on topic, i am learning to appreciate the dings that are coming from this divorce. i have met a great new family that has taken me my mom and my little brother in as new family to them. i love them very much and i just met them. the guy i am still getting used to but everyday he makes a bigger and bigger impression. love is a crazy thing. but if mom is happy, im happy. their great, im great, everyone is great. brother is leaving soon and i dont know what im going to do without him. i might die. hes my bestfriend. but hell be able to live like a guy should. with his dad. and a girl like me will be able to live how she is supposed to live and thats with her mom. i only have one year of highschool, imma live it to the fullest. appreciate the little things, and you will go far. put on a smile, they make the world go round.

Bucket List

1. Hug a stranger.
2. Find a job....
3. Move out.
4. Actually have a relationship that lasts longer than 2 months.
5. Punch someone.
6. Read a book in a day.
7. Skydiving.
8. Fly in a hot air balloon.
9. Become a whole different person.
10. DIE.

"Given the Gift of Life"

   Breathing comes natural. Given the Gift of Life by every breath given by God.
   Happiness is shown by just one smile. Given the Gift of Life by every teeth shown.
   Sadness, showing the dark side of the world with the evil of your emotions. Given the Gift of Life by every frown.
   Laughter, either fake or real, using the ability to make noise through happy feelings. Given the Gift of every noise of joy.
   Hatred, envy coming out of the worser side of you. Given the Gift of Life by every unkind gesture.
   Love, having this strong feeling for one person particular. Given the Gift of Life by every butterfly of comfort throughout your entire body.
   Friendship, where breathing, happiness, sadness, laughter, hatred, and love all take place. Given the Gift of Life of having six on one.